Humor Saturday

You might be a Redneck Pagan if...

• If you think "widdershins" refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next door....
• If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg....
• If you think a goblet is a young turkey....
• If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse....
• If you call your coven mates "Bud" and "Sis"....
• If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13....
• If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene....
• If you pronounce "Athame" as "Athaym" and "Samhain" as "Sammon" or "Sam-hayn"....
• If you think a "Sidhe" is a girl....
• If your idea of the "Goddess" is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team....
• If your Bard plays the banjo....
• If your 'Long Lost Friend really IS....
• If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more, plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as your familiars....
• If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod....
• If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head....
• If you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob"....
• If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!"....
• If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back....
• If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker....
• If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun....
• If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots....
• If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff....
• If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21....
• If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words "After you turn off the paved road"....
• If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag....
• If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle....
• If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still....
• If you use an engine block for an altar....
• If your High Priestess is your cousin - as well as your wife....
• If, when drawing down the moon, you say, "Ya'll come on down, ya hear?"....
• If your pickup truck has an Athame rack....
• If your crystal ball is made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)....
• If your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar....

You might be a Redneck Pagan!
This post is pure humor and not to be taken seriously. If you have any Lines to add feel free to respond to this post!